


The Old Guard-Rhyme Time

by OldGuardianNewTricks



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Character Death but Old Guard style, F/F, Humour, M/M, Rhyming, The Old Guard meets Revolting Rhymes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:41:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28671669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OldGuardianNewTricks/pseuds/OldGuardianNewTricks
Summary: So for some reason I thought it would be fun to re-tell The Old Guard (film) as a rhyming poem- Revolting Rhymes Style.Excerpt:Gather round please and I’ll tell you a story.I’ll warn you up front that it gets kind of gory!(And for no reason that’s clear at this timeIt’s also written completely in rhyme.)Now there is a fact you all need to knowAnd when you hear it you’re bound to yell no!But this is the truth, no word of a lieThe folk in this story just simply can’t die.
Relationships: Andy | Andromache of Scythia/Quynh | Noriko, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 14
Kudos: 19





	1. It begins

Gather round please and I’ll tell you a story.  
I’ll warn you up front that it gets kind of gory!  
(And for no reason that’s clear at this time  
It’s also written completely in rhyme.)  
Now there is a fact you all need to know  
And when you hear it you’re bound to yell no!  
But this is the truth, no word of a lie  
The folk in this story just simply can’t die. 

We really should start, we’ve a long way to go  
Because as this story starts we’re in Morocco.  
First here comes Andy who is out for a hike  
And following her, this is Booker out on his bike.  
Now I know you’re thinking ‘this man must be bad’!  
But at this point he’s not, he’s just really sad.  
They chat then quickly head back to their hotel  
Where for the moment their two friends do dwell.  
The first man, called Nicky, hugs Andy so tight  
Behind him stands Joe with his smile so bright.  
Next Andy’s good taste skills settle a bet  
Poor Nicky loses again, he hasn’t won yet!

Now one more thing that you all need to know  
These people do good wherever they go.  
They have a rule which is held hard and fast  
Whenever their job’s done, it’s over and past.  
They never go back and they do not re-do  
The fear of being caught is real and true.  
But now a man they worked with before  
Has turned up again and is knocking their door.  
Not literally of course for that would be silly  
He just tracked down Booker, digitally  
Andy, the boss, does not want to do it  
The guys in the team want to talk through it.  
Nicky speaks first ‘Boss, we can do some good  
And more than that really I think that we should.’  
Andy’s so tired and the world such a shit show  
But these men are family so of course she will go  
To meet with this man and see what will be.  
His name you should know is James Copley

Mr Copley at one time worked for the CIA  
But since their last job he’s gone his own way.  
He desperately needed to change his whole life  
When he oh so sadly lost his dear wife.  
He tells them of girls who all have been taken  
Without their team’s ‘skills’ they will all be forsaken  
Andy says that they will send him their invoice  
And at that news Copley is seen to rejoice.

* * *

They head to Sudan, they get there by chopper  
Packing guns and swords, Andy’s axe is a whopper.  
Nicky’s their sniper and takes his best shot  
Takes out two at once, which is kinda hot  
They move through the complex, stealth on their side  
They are all in dark colours so it’s easier to hide

Joe takes out two by using his sword  
Whilst Andy and Booker cannot be ignored.  
They move forward as one, a hell of a team  
Till seeing something they’d have rather not seen  
A load of small shoes all piled on the floor  
Joe frowns at them whilst they all flank the door  
It gets blown in thanks to Booker’s explosives  
But no sooner in than they wonder ‘what gives?’  
They all look around and Nicky’s lip curls  
‘Are we too late? Where are the girls?’  
Andy sighs and starts to say ‘motherfucker’  
(I should warn you now she swears like a trucker.)  
Then all of a sudden bullets start flying  
Our heroes are trapped and clearly dying  
Now on the floor, see where they’ve bled  
Each of them now is just stone cold dead  
This should be the end of our little tale  
Nothing to do but to weep and to wail  
But then, impossible as it is to believe  
I swear to you that they all start to breathe.  
Joe and Nicky first look for each other  
Both having the need to check on their lover.

The Guard on their feet and taking a stance  
The men who killed them stand not a chance.  
The battle that follows is short but not sweet  
And soon not a foe remains left on his feet.  
Andy checks with her team, to see they’re ok  
‘Really pissed off’ is all Joe manages to say  
‘There never were any girls and set up we have been’  
Andy smashes the camera as James watches his screen

Joe thinks the shoes there were a grotesque touch  
Andy’s feeling her years perhaps a bit too much.  
‘I’m sorry’ says Booker, ‘it all seemed legit  
But now we are all truly left in the shit.’  
They’re out in the country and burning their clothes  
Their cover is done, it’s over, this much Andy knows.  
‘We tried to do good Boss and for the right reason.’  
They’re compromised now though thanks to this treason.  
There’s one thing to do now that they’re in this bind  
It’s Mr James Copley that they simply must find.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go then. 
> 
> I’m having fun and have some bits already ‘rhymed out’ but it’s still gonna take me a while!


	2. A New Immortal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the encouragement. I promise I will do it all but it’ll be quite slow as it’s quite tricky. 
> 
> Also- why did I call it Rhyming Time not Rhyme Time-rookie error!

Our story moves again this time to Afghanistan  
Where we meet a marine who’s called Nile Freeman.  
A plucky young woman, she seems really neat  
As she makes sure that every kid gets a sweet.

She’s soon set a task with both Jay and Dizzy  
To go find a man. Where oh where is he?  
The three set off, there’s intel to collect  
Nile reminds them, of course, of the need for respect.  
They enter a courtyard and Nile takes the lead  
‘We’re looking for this man’ she begins to plead.  
They’ve brought a translator from the market  
A woman indicates the man is hiding behind a carpet.  
The marines line up but then shots are fired  
(Is all of this action making you tired?)  
And now I simply have to attest  
That the man is swiftly shot in the chest.  
And then Nile, and how it hurts to admit it  
But our dear Nile has her throat slit.  
Dizzy is scared, you can see she looks sick  
As she screams and screams for their medic.  
Nile is terrified, a single tear is shed  
But it’s clear to see the poor girl is dead. 

The light now is white and the sun is bright.  
We hear a horn and see a train  
We’re back with our immortals again.  
Andy sits, the tiredness etched on her face  
As Nicky slumbers in Joe’s embrace.  
It must be said that you will find  
They always sleep this way, entwined.  
Across from them Book sleeps alone  
One arm across his face is thrown.  
Andy blinks and it is not so odd  
That she follows them to the land of nod.  
The peace doesn’t last for the whole team  
Immediately begin to dream.  
It must be more than they can take  
As all of them soon jerk awake.  
But they are not the only ones with dreams  
For Nile has seen them too it seems.  
Yes, I know we thought she was dead  
But she’s not. She’s immortal instead.

Andy simply cannot believe her eyes  
After 200 years it’s a hell of a surprise.  
Booker of course makes his first task  
To take a sip from his hip flask.  
Nicoló at his mouth is pawing  
Whilst Joe gets ready to do some drawing  
For not only has he a massive heart  
He’s also really good at doing art.  
They all discuss in detail what they’ve seen  
Andy thinks this girl must be a Marine.  
I must divulge she really does seem cross  
Nicky says ‘Happens for a reason Boss.’  
Joe, who really could not be kinder,  
Is the first to say ‘We must find her.’  
Booker flat out just does not agree  
‘We should stick to the plan and find Copley’.  
Emotions are very much in a whirl  
But Nicky’s concern is to find the girl.  
‘We know this happens to the unprepared  
She is all alone and she must be scared.’  
‘If we’re dreaming of her, she’s dreaming of us  
That’s making her a beacon straight to us.’  
Andy is peeved but the girl she must fetch.  
As Joe hands over his completed sketch  
Andy looks with a frown, worried maybe?  
‘Jesus’ she says ‘She is just a baby.’

Back we go again to Afghanistan  
To check in once more with our Nile Freeman  
Since we last saw her they’ve removed the patch  
‘Fuck me’ say her friends ‘not even a scratch.’  
‘The doctors tried out a brand new skin graft’  
But Jay and Dizzy both think this sounds daft.

Now to London to meet Steven Merrick  
Who is, I’m afraid, completely a prick!  
Bangs on about the chromosomal clock  
Which just makes him sound like an utter cock.  
Suddenly we spot Copley in the room  
(This was before all events were on Zoom!) 

We’re moving again but not very far  
Copley and Merrick are now in a car.  
‘You’ve seen my research you know they’re real’  
(This video footage seems like a huge deal!)  
They show the film to Meta Kozak  
Not much to say now but she will be back.  
Now things are getting really quite fraught  
Merrick wants the whole gang to be caught  
Copley looks just the teeniest bit glum  
‘I think I might be able to get just one.’  
‘I said I want them all, that’s what I mean  
Now come up with a plan, work with Keane.’  
Now you’ve not met Keane and not to slate him  
But I guarantee you’re going to hate him.

Now I am aware it’s been a while  
So why don’t we go back to visit Nile?  
All around her now people just stare  
And not because how much they care.  
A sergeant tells her orders are through  
Informing her of what she need do.  
She must pack her bags without delay  
For more tests she’ll be on her way.  
Before she goes he hands back her tags  
Then we see friends have packed her bags.  
Feeling bereft and utterly alone  
She listens to Frank Ocean on her phone.  
But wait, what’s this? I can’t believe my eyes  
It’s Andy, hiding, now that’s a surprise.  
The army men have come for Nile  
But Andy takes them out with guile.  
(Oh ok, don’t shout at your bard  
Actually she hits them. Really hard!)  
Nile grabs a gun and points it at Andy  
Who takes it from her like it is candy.  
Nile blinks and then asks ‘Just who are you?’  
‘Andromache the Scythian- that’s who.’  
Then Andy smacks Nile right in the head  
‘But you can call me Andy instead.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again- thanks for reading. 
> 
> I’ll try to be a bit more active in posting. And I’ve not forgotten about writing extra bits for the Choir of Souls series!


	3. Fasten your seatbelt!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I present to you the plane scene-written on painkillers and antibiotics for extra thrills and spills!

Young Nile comes to in the back of a truck  
She wants Andy gone, she’s bang outta luck.  
She yeets herself out the back door  
Tumbling and rolling down to the floor.  
Desperate, scared and presumably hot  
Andy gets out and then Nile is shot!  
Right in the head AND from behind  
Which seems to be a little unkind.  
Andy grumbles, hates that this is so slow  
But apparently this is how first times go.  
Nile once again gasps back into life  
And pissed, stabs Andy with a knife!  
Of course Andy doesn’t suffer from it  
Just pulls it out as Nile starts to vomit.  
“Look I know that this seems barmy  
But I lead a group, we’re like an army.  
I know that you must have questions kid  
Get in the car, we’ll go where they’re hid.”

* * *

They arrive at an airfield, that’s their plane  
Nile is definitely thinking that Andy’s insane.  
“Where are we going, will you say? Any chance?”  
“Sure kid, it’s Paris, the one that’s in France.”  
“Wash up” says Andy “there’s blood on your head.”  
“I wonder why? Oh yeah, coz you shot me dead!”  
Nile looks round the plane and here is the bummer  
It appears their pilot is a sodding drug runner.  
Oh no, don’t tell me that this is what you do?”  
“Oh kid”, grimaces Andy “if only you knew!  
Sometimes you have to work and meet with  
People who you’d really rather not eat with.”  
Nile looks around at where her life took her  
Whilst Andy goes off to telephone Booker.  
It’s clear to see that they are old friends  
“We haven’t found Copley, only dead ends.”  
“We’ll keep hunting for him as he is for us  
“Now that he knows he won’t just ignore us.  
I’ve got the new one, and it’s confidential  
But she stabbed me so she has potential!”  
End of the conversation so she smashes the phone  
And head backs to the plane where Nile sits alone.

* * *

The plane starts to taxi and to give Andy her dues  
It is only mere seconds before she finds booze.  
Nile straps in, she can’t wait till they’ve landed  
Whilst Andy being Andy hangs on, one-handed.  
“So why on earth is this happening to me?”  
“I only wish I knew!” is Andy’s decree  
“You told me you had answers” comes Nile’s cry.  
“Didn’t say you’d like ‘em, so I didn’t lie.”  
Nile clasps her hands and clearly starts to pray  
Andy of course asks what she’s doing anyway.  
“You know I was once worshipped as a god  
And Nile sits up, her back straight as a rod.  
“You told me there were others, you said it before”  
“That’s right kid and in fact we number just four.”  
“An army of four, well isn’t that grand?  
Are you really an army or just in a band?  
But that’s why you came, why you took me  
So that I would come and be in your ‘army’.  
This is all bullshit, you must have given me drugs!”  
“And I slit your throat too?” Andy just shrugs.  
And with no more proof needed to back it  
Andy swiftly curls up under her jacket.  
So much has happened since Nile woke in the jeep  
And now this Andromache just expects her to sleep.

* * *

Andy tries to turn over but her wrist is caught  
Nile, pistol pointed at the pilot, looks fraught.  
“We are not going to Paris.” Nile says with a frown  
“Andrei c’me here!” “Andrei you do not listen to her.”  
“Stand up!” “Sit down!” to whom should Andrei defer?  
Nile gives her orders to Andrei once again  
“You listen to me and you land this plane!”  
Andy says “It’s Paris we are on route to  
And trust me she’s not gonna shoot you  
But I am!” She then speaks in fluent Russian  
And shoots at Andrei with no more discussion.  
“OMG Andy are you totally insane?  
Who the hell’s gonna fly this plane?”  
“Don’t need a pilot we can jump and survive.”  
Nile looks aghast “Lady, I’m staying alive!”  
Now that Andy’s thrown this curve ball  
The blasted plane is now in free fall.  
Nile is looking more than a little bit pissed  
As Andy starts to shake her restrained wrist.  
“I can definitely fly a plane.” says she  
And so Nile frees her, if reluctantly.  
“I can almost see right through you  
You do not speak Russian do you?  
“Why” says Nile puzzled by what Andy said  
“Coz I told the pilot that he should play dead.”  
With that ‘dead’ Andrei sits up again  
And once more begins to fly the plane.  
Nile charges, her anger cannot be hid  
“Hey, you really want to do this kid?”  
And then these two begin to fight  
More impressive coz it is mid-flight.  
Then with hits and blows and crunches  
They exchange kicks and blows and punches.  
Andy now has had all of her fun  
“Ok kid, that’s it, we’re done!”  
But our brave Nile is not a pretender  
It’s just not in her to ever surrender.  
She looks at Andy and attacks again  
But soon she is left groaning in pain.  
Now this is gross but please keep calm  
Nile has a bone sticking out of her arm!  
Then ,oh no, Andy breaks poor Nile’s leg  
As easily as if she was cracking an egg!  
“You’re very good” and a bit late in the game  
Andromache finally asks Nile for her name.  
Nile thinks this is all a total disaster  
Till Andy says “You’re healing faster.”  
Nile looks upset, her thoughts in a flurry  
“I have people who love me, they’ll worry!  
“I’m a marine!” She says from the floor  
But Andy says gently “Not anymore  
It’s as clear as is the break of day  
They were going to lock you away.”  
With that Andromache offers her hand  
And helps young Nile Freeman to stand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time Goussainville- which is easy to rhyme (oh dear!)
> 
> This is is taking me longer than I would have hoped but I am fully committed and weirdly have written the very last section so I will get there. Hopefully taking you with me for the ride. 
> 
> Thank you for indulging me and see you next time!


End file.
